As time goes by, we forget about the things that made us break things up in the first place and we only remember the details that made us hold on and fight for what we wanted.
We were happy, back when things weren’t so complicated. When together meant just being together, no outer factors or responsibilities that broadened the bridge between our convictions.
Things ended, and we were satisfied. Until I wasn’t. Not anymore.
I know I miss being with you; the sound of your laughter, the wit behind your jokes and knowing that you were always with me, by my side.
Now that I don’t have you, and that maybe I never will again, my head is a maze of confusing images of the past merged with hopes for the future. It is difficult to set apart the things I now want with the things I wanted, and when the only factor that unites both scenarios is you, then my bases are even less established than what I originally thought.
What I think I want and what I feel I need are two different things. Completely vital in their own way, but incompatible with one another. Like water and oil, they are immiscible. I need both of them to survive, because one fuels my present and the other kindles the possibility of my future.
There is no way to sacrifice any of these emotions, but if they cannot exist within me, as I want them to, then they need to transform into something short of a contradiction.
If you cannot be my lighthouse then I should find another source of light. Someone that can exist in all of my dimensions with the same intensity and enough vehemence to make me feel something again.
Someone that will be emotionally available for me, without the confusion of past indiscretions and unuttered words. A person that will share their strength with me, and that will hear me even if I don’t know how to be heard. A person that knows me for who I am and what I need, not what I portray.
No one wants to be unhappy. Sometimes people just choose the long road to happiness. And sometimes, they have no other choice.
All of us have to live with the aftermath of our decisions. The good things and the bad. The things that heal us and the things that hurt us. Sometimes they are one and the same; our destruction and our salvation, together, tormenting us.
I wish I could understand the emotional connection between my head and my heart. I wish I could understand the world a little better, too. That way, I could make my decisions based on the things that will be better for me in the long run, not just what makes me feel less pain today.
I cannot understand love, nor do I think I ever want to. It keeps me on my toes, always changing, always in different shapes and sizes.
Love should not be spoken. Sure, it sounds beautiful and it strokes one’s ego. But that is not how it should be expressed. It should be experienced through actions and situations that show the other person how important he or she is to you.
It should be felt and not heard. Sometimes it is necessary to say it out loud, but that is only because you probably are not showing them how much you care.
Sadly, that is not the reality of things. We are all insecure, even if we cannot accept it to ourselves. We need the comforting confirmation of words to match what another person makes us feel, otherwise we refuse to understand or accept its veracity.
We dance around games of lost stares and overcharged glances of lust. Games of words, burning touches and riddles of confusing scenarios. We made a game out of love, without no instructions to follow, and we blame the emotion itself for the pain it causes. It’s ironic, really.
Nothing that comes easily will be easy to retain.
Something that will last for ages will never be handed to us in a silver platter. Not if we are to be happy because of it, anyways. The secret behind a successful relationship is sacrifice. The more you give to the other person, the more the other person is supposed to value you. And vice versa.
If you change the aim of the game into that of the construction of thicker pillars for the foundation of your future as a couple, then you have nothing to be afraid of. Give love, time and respect. Be there for the other person any way you can. Make yourself indispensable and the promises that bind you will be made of cool, unbreakable, steel.
You might find that what you’re looking for it’s been right under your nose the whole time. Something unexpected and dramatically different from the things you are used to; but that will probably work out because of it.
You will find that person, and there will be no doubt in your mind about them. Not because they’re extremely attractive or hugely successful, but because they understand you as no one else ever has and probably never will.
Sacrifice and comprehension, that is the key to happiness.
Forget about the things that have failed you in the past. They might feel extremely good, but they haven’t worked out for a reason.
Give love a chance. Love in its original form. A primal love that has not known Shakespeare, Twilight or Hallmark. But companionship and comprehension in its purest form. At the end of the day, that is what every human on the planet needs.
You already know the people that know you best. Make a compilation of the traits that characterize the people that you love and first understand what is it that they give you. Why are they so important? You need to find someone that will give you what all of them give you, all in a nutshell.
It might sound like an impossible task, but it is not. And it is worth it.
You’ve had beautiful experiences from your past, and maybe your present. Invest time and patience into finding or accepting that person that you’ve always been looking for, but that you’ve been too blind to really see.
In order to understand someone else, why they do or feel the things they do, you need to understand yourself and put yourself into the situation of that person. You cannot judge what you don’t truly understand, because if you don’t even really understand yourself, then how will you judge your own actions and desires?
Give yourself a chance. Start fresh with a different perspective. Look for the things you’ve always wanted to find and never had the clarity to search for them beforehand. Find your future, and forget your past. Once and for all.
Try to find something by looking or otherwise seeking carefully and thoroughly.